Ruminations on Family

September 1 is my birthday. My neograndson Theo did me the honor of booking his flight back to England on Sept. 3, not leaving on my birthday. Our sense of loss in this household will be profound.

Theo has been with us since January 29, planted serendipitously in Portland as he sorted out his visa to be ‘student’ rather than ‘tourist.’ (For back story see the previous three blog entries) In that seven month period, he has been able to achieve everything related to early transition – legal name and gender change (affecting everything from his driver’s license to his passport), beginning hormones, and having chest surgery. Just as important are the invisible changes – centering into himself as his hormone balance aligns with his identity. Initially Theo was running away from an unsupportive biological family. Now he’s focusing on his new life, new possibilities, moving forward with confidence rather than running away into an uncertain future.

Theo came to my attention in my capacity as a PFLAG board member. I’ve been a member of the Portland PFLAG board since 2014; PFLAG is a perfect fit for this former therapist, supporting families as they learn what they need to know to be allies to an LGBT+ family member. As a therapist, I was gifted with the experience of watching trans clients blossom, helping facilitate this life-changing process of self-actualization that we call transition. As a PFLAG board member, I have been gifted with the experience of helping family members shift their perspective, helping them embrace the gift of knowing their LGBT+ family member more fully.

Now I am the neograndad, gifted with the experience of a family member transitioning while living with me. My wife Cristina and I took Theo in as a mitzvah, what our church would see as an example of ‘good works.’ It wasn’t long, however, before we viewed him as a grandson who had been missing from our lives. We are all family to each other. I recently came across a meme that perfectly captures our experience. A young boy sits on a tree branch, speaking to an injured sparrow in a cage next to him. The boy says, “I’ll take care of you until you can fly again.”

The sparrow responds, “But then I may leave you.”

“Yes,” says the boy, “that’s the point.”

Fly free and far, Theo!