A few weeks ago I went to the DMV to renew my driver license. I chose not to get a real ID, knowing that it would probably come back to me with an F on it instead of an M. I’ll use my passport for travel — it says M, and doesn’t expire until 2033. I have to hope these ID/gender issues will be in the rear view mirror by then.

Several decades ago, I chose not to change my birth certificate from F to M when I transitioned. I was born in California; I could have gotten a new birth certificate, with access to the old one sealed, so no one else would have access to the previous version. (That might not hold true today, what with federal meddling…)

I chose not to go that route — it felt revisionist of my history, and the journey I had to go on to become who I am. We all make different decisions about things like that, and that was mine. Who knew that 30 years later I would have to worry about that 1995 decision affecting my current ID?

Back to the current-day scenario… I was on pins and needles sitting at the DMV, awaiting my turn at the counter. I had brought with me two pieces of mail addressed to me, to prove my current address. I brought my passport. I didn’t know if I would need any or none of that documentation. I made sure my phone was fully charged up, in case I needed to contact someone in a big hurry.

I know intellectually that the current negative state of affairs regarding trans people is much more of an issue at the federal level than it is at the level of the state of Oregon. Nevertheless, the current negativity has instilled an edginess to my life that I haven’t felt since the early days of the anti-gay ballot measure era. And even then, living as a lesbian and not as a trans person, I would not have been so on edge going to the DMV to renew my driver license. The anxiety this administration has instilled among trans and non-binary people will be a long time dissipating. 

I have seen our culture move forward as the decades have gone by. Those of us who are part of Q+ community in some way have seen tremendous gains in our civil rights, and our social acceptance, making it all the harder to feel that we’re going backwards. 

Though it may feel like going backwards, I don’t believe that’s what’s really going on. We’re not being pulled backward. Those who are so deadset against our identities are not pulling us backward; they are digging their heels in to prevent us from moving forward any further. 

The current administration has led them to believe we can move backward. But history only goes in one direction, though the path can certainly be convoluted! We will survive, we will thrive, and we will emerge from this all the stronger. Having just celebrated my 70th birthday, I have long history of observation to bolster my belief that unity in strength is our true trajectory. 

I keep Martin Luther King’s observation firmly in mind, as it emboldens me to undertake life tasks, such as going to the DMV: “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.” 

And by the way – the clerk at the DMV merely asked, “Has anything changed in the information we have on record?“ No. My new driver license arrived in the mail yesterday.

By contrast… 

Here’s an example of what a DMV process looked like a generation ago…

I acquired my first driver license when I was in my ‘40s. Prior to that time, I had always bicycled everywhere, or taken the bus if the bike wasn’t an option that day. I walked all over Portland. 

I did have an Oregon ID card, which I rarely used. When I changed my name legally, that card was about to expire, so I changed my name to Reid in the DMV system. However, that was several years before I started taking hormones. So the gender still said F.

In 1998, several years into transition, I moved to California for three years for graduate school. It was during this time that I acquired my first driver license. It said Reid, with the gender M. 

When I moved back to Oregon in 2001, I went into the DMV to acquire an Oregon driver license. I didn’t think anything of it, as it’s not hard to change your driver license from one state to another. However, I had forgotten that I had that old ID card in the Oregon DMV system. 

The guy behind the counter started laughing when he entered my name into the computer. He said, “Wow, someone sure made a mistake when they gave you that ID card back in the day! It says F on it! Let me change that for you!”

Thoroughly taken aback, I managed to say, “Well, thank you!“

It can be easier to transition when your identity is on the cultural radar, with more services available if you live in a place like Portland. And it can feel a lot more peaceful if it’s not on the radar at all. I was taken aback at that DMV 24 years ago — but I had no fear. Time to stick together, be there for ourselves and each other.