Even at 69, I occasionally surprise myself. Today’s insight came during a conversation about chorus, a subject near and dear to my heart. I was talking with a member of my chorus who is neurodivergent, on the autism spectrum. I was curious, and asked him, “Why does it appeal to you to be in this really large group, with all this energy in this room? I would’ve thought it would be too much for you.”

He replied, “This is the only group thing I feel completely comfortable participating in. We’re all converging to a unison note, singing together, and it gives me a sense of belonging with other people. And I don’t have to look at them or talk to them in order to feel this strong connection. It’s perfect for me.”

This comment struck me, and hit home. It took me awhile to be able to articulate why I could identify with what this person had said. I am not neurodivergent myself, so why did I connect so strongly with his viewpoint?

In 1986, I was a founding member of the Portland Lesbian Choir. It wasn’t until the mid-1990s that I understood I wasn’t really a lesbian, but was a transman. Prior to this realization, I had always had anxiety and some level of depression participating in lesbian community. I didn’t understand these feelings at all, and worried and fretted about them constantly in my journals.

When my autistic friend told me why he felt comfortable in chorus, I understood for the first time that chorus had served the same purpose for me back in my lesbian community days: a place where I could bond with people through singing, a very powerful means of bringing us all together, and — I didn’t have to look at anyone, I didn’t have to interact with anyone, I could just be and feel a part of it all.

Now I sing in the Portland Gay Men’s Chorus. I transitioned nearly 30 years ago, and do feel a strong sense of connection to the world around me. I don’t have any trouble bonding with people now. And still, the bonds of singing together in a chorus are among the most powerful I experience. I wish choral singing was a bigger part of the larger culture. It has such power to bring us together.